


Fear Of Being Known

by SamuelJames



Category: Primeval
Genre: F/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-28
Updated: 2012-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-04 12:01:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuelJames/pseuds/SamuelJames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was never supposed to see her flaws</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear Of Being Known

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Fear Of Being Known  
> Pairing: Abby Maitland/Hilary Becker  
> Rating: 15+  
> Summary: He was never supposed to see her flaws.  
> Warning/Content Advisory: Abby doesn't place the same value on her life that other people do. Allusions to past sexual abuse.  
> Disclaimer: Primeval is the property of its creators. No copyright infringement is intended.  
> Archiving Information: Please do not archive elsewhere on the net.

Abby hands Becker a pillow which he throws on the couch.

"Why do I always have to sleep on the couch whenever we fight?"

"That Stegosaurus is dead because of you."

"Better it than you, Abby. My job is to protect the team. Humans take priority and while your concern for the creatures is admirable, I have a job to do."

Abby sighs. "Murder is your job then. I wasn't in immediate danger. It's a herbivore."

"I don't particularity care about its diet when it's large enough to crush you. It was so close and I shoot to kill, not to maim. If I hadn't done my job, I could be sitting here mourning you while someone tried to get hold of Jack to tell him you'd died. Don't you get that you matter more than the creatures?"

"I know I matter." She hopes it's enough to convince him.

Becker tries to take her hand but she crosses her arms.

"Abby, I lost you and Connor for a year. I can only hope Danny is still alive somewhere with that lunatic brother of his and I saw Sarah torn to pieces right in front of me. Like it or not I'm not going to take chances with anyone's safety. You may not care what happens to you but I do."

"Stop talking like I've some kind of death wish. Don't you dare analyse me." Abby walks into their bedroom and slams the door. Her survival instinct is pretty damn functional, tested to its limits in the Cretaceous. She doesn't need Becker thinking she wants to die. She doesn't, it just wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if she did. She wishes Rex were here instead of at the ARC. Animals are so much easier, less demanding. They accept the love and care you give without question. She knows Becker loves her but his love feels like an advancing army, trying to surround her. Despite her best efforts he's seen her damaged side and that is just too much to deal with. That's the problem with trusting people, they'll one day turn around and use that weakness against you. The thought that he's been watching her behaviour and seeing through her defences is scary as hell. He was meant to see confident, outgoing Abby, the person she decided to be when she left home. She needs to end it but Becker is stubborn so she'll have to provoke a fight, something big enough to get him angry. If she doesn't do it right he'll still want to fix her, protect her and smother her. As the tears come she notices his combats on the end of the bed. That's the best angle, attack his military service which he's so proud of, that ought to do it. She curls up on the bed, fully clothed. Becker isn't like her father, he'd never attack her, but she's learned the hard way how to make a quick getaway. When she hears Becker's loud snores she allows herself to close her eyes.

A few hours later she's startled by a knock on the bedroom door. Becker comes in and crouches down beside the bed.

"The couch is tiny. Can I get a reprieve?"

Abby shrugs and turns away from him. She's still tired but forces herself to get up because sharing is not an option. They meet in the doorway and Abby takes the pillow from his arms, "we can trade places." She curls up on the couch wishing the warmth from the spare duvet was Becker's embrace. It'd be so nice to feel safe in his arms but that feeling is gone for good. She's managed alone before and she can do it again. She's self-aware enough to see the pattern in her life but it feels horrible to think that Becker sees her as someone to be pitied or rescued because that isn't all she is. If only he hadn't said anything, but then maybe this was inevitable. She'd never be able to make it work with someone who places so little value on the creatures lives. Abby falls asleep while planning exactly what to say to push Becker away.


End file.
